Friday, October 14, 2011

Defining the Gray Space

I am learning something new as a Mother. I am learning that there is this weird space between teenager and kid, that has no definition and no rhyme or reason. It's a gray area. It's a space in the time of your kids life, that you as a Mom are not really sure what to do with. One minute, I look at Kaden and see my little toe headed baby. The next, I see armpit hair and a jaw line. One day he is building a lego man the next he's writing a paper on the Mesopotamian Hebrews. I find myself feeling thrilled one minute at the new things he is learning, doing and experiencing and horrified the next, by his growing up.
This weird space, it's called twelve.

He's almost there. I can hardly believe it. And lately, Kaden, is all I think about.

I wonder what he's not telling me about school, about friends, about (deep breath)... girls. Does he think about them, does he talk to them, does he even care? I worry about his grades, his uncanny ability to let his brilliant mind wonder into a million far off places, I worry about his sports, his scouts and his clothes, that he is constantly growing out of.

Last Saturday night, Scott and I stayed up late into the night, having a very grown-up discussion with Kaden. I could see that Scott's tender words and even a few of mine were being directed and given to us from Heaven. Whispered into our ears just when we needed them. It was a hard talk for me to have with my first little baby,  but it was so good. We finished with a prayer, I held kaden's hand on his right and Scott held his shoulder from the left. It was a Kaden sandwich. I only wish that I could have him sandwiched like that, all of the time.

But I cant.

Except today.

I kept him home- a little hookie never killed anyone and I needed him to myself for a change. Today- it was my turn to be the "peer pressure". It was my turn to be the teacher, it was my turn to be the friend, sitting across from him at the lunch table. Today, it was my turn to be the coach, the scout leader, the bus driver. Today he was all mine and I was all his. Today, I am made the gray area a little more full of color.

He may be stuck for now in this strange space of-not a kid, not a teenager- and I may not have all the cures for things that I used to, but I do have a heart that is bursting full of devotion for this handsome kid and if there is anything I know how to do, it's love. We stopped by school to turn in two papers then we picked up some Jamba-juice a, "Mom and Kaden tradition." After that we had lunch and then we browsed at Kaden's favorite browsing place...The book store.

He was looking at a palm reading book

I though the book he picked was highly ironic...

We better get started.


Sean & Julia Johnson.... said...

you have one very handsome son :)

Kirsi Anne said...

You are amazing.

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