She's standing more and more. It is so cute. She gets a spark of determination in her eyes and then she wobbles up on her skinny little legs and then she holds on for dear life. When she gets up and one of us cheers or calls her name, a big smile spreads across her face but she dares not turn her head and look or...PLOP.
Sometimes I feel like that. Like I am struggling to stand on my own two feet and I am constantly having to hold on for dear life, just to make it through the day. Plus, sometimes when I start to feel stable and I turn to smile...PLOP, I fall right back down and have to start again. This week has been tough. Kaden is struggling to find his own balance in this new world of middle school and just like when he was Cali's age, I am finding my heart jumping out of it's place as he is letting go of my hand, to go it alone, more and more.
He is learning, he is trying, and we are too.
Sure love that boy.
The twins had a bit of heart break this week as well when they found out their teacher (who they think hung the moon) will be out for a few weeks while he waits for his "clearance card" to be renewed. It was an oversight that was out of any ones control. My heart melted last night while they scribbled, "I miss you notes" and when Branson and Brylee held a little joint prayer session in their room over the matter. A good teacher is a Mothers best friend, I tell ya.
I have officially decided that growing up is hard. But watching your kids grow-up, well that can be down right painful. (joyful, exciting, fun, yes but painful too) It really just seems like they were all little and we spent our days reading together and walking to the park. Now we do homework, discuss problems and watch them pray over their small heartaches. And when I see Cali standing up, part of me wants to push her back down and say, "no, no!"
I'm not ready for her to get big. I worry that when I don't have a baby slung to my hip, I wont know what to do with myself. I guess helping your kids learn to stand never really goes away. First it's actual standing. Then it is standing for whats right, standing up for yourself, standing alone and standing your ground. I am so thankful that I have the gospel to hold on to for balance, for stability, for security. And I am so thankful that my kids have it too.
Everyday, I will remind them to hold on tight. I will remind them with my time, with my help, with my love, with my knowledge, with play time, work time, study time, with hugs and "I love you's" and hikes and stories and talks and service.
Standing is hard work. But we do hard things around here.
Behold, it is my will, that all they who call on my name, and worship me according to mine everlasting gospel, should gather together, and stand in holy places.