Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Birthday Letter- Cali at 1 Edition

Dear Cali,

Has it really, really been a whole year? Because it sure doesn't feel like it. I will never forget the way I felt when you were born. One year, 10 years, even a million years will not fade the surging, racing, pounding love that spilled like a tsunami into my heart for you when your tiny, warm body was placed into my arms. Your birth, Sweet Baby Cali, was magical, spiritual and life changing for me. I had finally become wise enough  and smart enough to know exactly how to prepare my heart and soul for the gift of those few precious moments. My spirit was ready and when the time came, I felt completely able to leave this world and all it's cares behind and step across the boundaries of the veil and bring you here. I have never- in all my life felt Heaven so close. And meeting you, was like being reunited with a part of my own soul that had been waiting for more than 3 decades to return to it's place inside my heart.

It was that good my sweet girl. You were that good.

You are the finishing masterpiece of our group, the frame that brings the picture into full beauty. You  make the rest of us whole and you complete our a circle that wasn't quite done before. I am not sure how we ever got along with out you, but I am sure glad that now we don't have to.

Do you know that the other kids fight to sit by you, to hold you, to play with you? At times it feels like there just isn't enough of you to go around! You are a star in our family. Not very many people can say that they live with a perfect soul, a flawless person that never judges, never argues, never has a mean thought or says a mean word...but we can. You belong to all of us and each member of our family claims you as, "their baby".

And it's true you are- but you and I, we have something special, something extra, something divine and eternal. When we are sad...we want each other. And neither one of us is ever lonely because we are always together. You smile when you see me, and I smile when I see you. I like to smell you and feel you and bathe you. I like to hold your two little hands in mine while you take wobbly, new steps. I like to smash your warm cheeks up to mine when I get you out of bed in the morning. I like your gaped little teeth and I like how you wrinkle up your nose when something is funny. I like to rock with you in our chair by the window and I like how your body instinctively leans towards me when someone else holds you. It's like there is a magnet inside me and a magnet inside you and the force is so strong that "wham!" we have to be together.

Cali, I've been a Mom long enough now to know that another year WILL pass. I know that you will keep getting bigger. I know that you will not be a baby forever and I know that pretty soon, your two little hands will let go of mine and you will take a step, then 2, then hundreds. I know that someday you will grow up, fall in love and give your heart to someone else but I know that that day...is not today.

Today you are still ALL mine. The world and it's worries are still far, far away for us- but when they come, will you always remember, that you can lean toward me? Will you forever know that there is a magnet inside of me and a magnet inside of you that will always pull us together? Will you never forget that you and I will never truly be lonely, because we have each other? Will you know that when your heart starts to move on that mine never will? It will always be open enough and big enough and soft enough for you-with all of your sorrows, joys, failures, mistakes, successes and loves? Will you remember that even though you wont be a baby forever you will always be MY BABY?

I hope you will because words can not justly state the extent of my devotion and love for you. You are solace and peace and joy and I love you with all that is in me and more.

Happy Birthday Sweet, Tiny Girl.

I love You.


1 comment:

Shelley said...

That made me cry!! Oh how fun it will be for Cali to read this someday. Your sweet love and connection with your daughter is something special! Happy Birthday Cali!!

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