A few weeks ago Brylee drew me a picture. She said it was me, laying in the grass.
"Because you love laying in the grass Mom."
I have had her sweet little illustration at arms reach since she drew it. It reminds me that I am the "eye of the storm" to them, a place of peace in a fallen world. At least that's how they see it.
I crawled defeated into bed Monday night, spent out from a day of keeping and managing and trying to do my best. But my best hadn't been enough. Tuesday was so full of obligation, hurt feelings, meetings and appointments that I was physically aching by bed time. Wednesday was a bright spot as I somehow managed a baby-sitting miracle and was able to attend a field trip for the first time in nearly two years.
Thank-you Melanie, you have been my angel lately.
I cant say how happy it makes me to do things that make my children happy. Fieldtripping makes them happy. It was worth an hour of prep the night before, worth the drive to the sitter, worth packing up half my house so that the baby could be comfortable with out me and worth having to leave breakfast strewn out across the table all day.
Today I will get to my Sunday obligation that has been put off and tomorrow I get a real live date with my Scotty. A. Real. Live. Date.
After that I will finally gather my five and do what I have been dreaming of for weeks. I will drive away.
From school, from schedules, from stress. They will be all mine for a few precious days. We are going to sleep all smashed together in one bed, we are going to hike, and be dirty and climb trees and feel the breeze in our hair and the mud in our toes. We'll read and play board games and we'll walk to the meadow and lay in the grass.
Because I love laying in the grass. I will fill up my well with big drinks of their smiles, their messy hair and their childhood. Then maybe...forever wont feel so far out of reach.
How I love my five.