Today in relief Society, I looked around and remembered that I didn't really know any of the ladies in that room and they didn't really know me. I remembered that I left a relief society behind that held dozens of decade old friendships, hours of shared lives and comfortable, happy history. And then...I remembered that a stranger is living in my house and enjoying my neighbors and that was it. My heart was aching and tears started to well up, slip over the edge and drip into my lap.
I am home sick.
Today more than ever. Only there is no relief for it. As long as I live, I will miss my life on Del Rio Street....in Summerfield Ward, a part of my heart will always be there...that I am sure of. Scott hugged me tight after church then I crawled into bed and sobbed, Scott closed the door behind him and let me grieve. I swear I am such a baby! You would think someone died, I need to get a grip, I just cant seem to figure out how.
And making things worse is that school is ending which is a cause to rejoice- if it weren't just another reminder that one more year has passed and my kids are just that much older. Makes me all weepy. Two bright spots from this weekend was this heart melter....
And Saturday when I got to baby sit my nephew Jack. It was one of those perfect Arizona days, a cool breeze, a blue sky and just enough warmth to call out swimsuits but not enough to make you hot. I sat in the outside rocking chair, snuggling my little Pepperjack, while Cali, Brylee and Ella played around in the grass eating Popsicles. Jack and I sang primary songs and I let my flip flops slip off my feet. I love the sound of a good breeze running through a leafy tree and since my Mom has two of them in her yard, their comforting melody was like salve for my soul.
If I could bottle up babies and good weather I would. Good, good stuff...put the two together and I am a goner. Thank-goodness for the blessing of that hour in the rocking chair. It was like the glue that held me together through one very homesick Sunday.
If only just barely.