Sunday, May 27, 2012

Homesick

Today in relief Society, I looked around and remembered that I didn't really know any of the ladies in that room and they didn't really know me. I remembered that I left a relief society behind that held dozens of decade old friendships, hours of shared lives and comfortable, happy history. And then...I remembered that a stranger is living in my house and enjoying my neighbors and that was it. My heart was aching and tears started to well up, slip over the edge and drip into my lap.

I am home sick.

Today more than ever. Only there is no relief for it. As long as I live, I will miss my life on Del Rio Street....in Summerfield Ward, a part of my heart will always be there...that I am sure of. Scott hugged me tight after church then I crawled into bed and sobbed, Scott closed the door behind him and let me grieve. I swear I am such a baby! You would think someone died, I need to get a grip, I just cant seem to figure out how.

And making things worse is that school is ending which is a cause to rejoice- if it weren't just another reminder that one more year has passed and my kids are just that much older. Makes me all weepy. Two bright spots from this weekend was this heart melter....























And Saturday when I got to baby sit my nephew Jack. It was one of those perfect Arizona days, a cool breeze, a blue sky and just enough warmth to call out swimsuits but not enough to make you hot. I sat in the outside rocking chair, snuggling my little Pepperjack, while Cali, Brylee and Ella played around in the grass eating Popsicles. Jack and I sang primary songs and I let my flip flops slip off my feet. I love the sound of a good breeze running through a leafy tree and since my Mom has two of them in her yard, their comforting melody was like salve for my soul.
























If I could bottle up babies and good weather I would. Good, good stuff...put the two together and I am a goner. Thank-goodness for the blessing of that hour in the rocking chair. It was like the glue that held me together through one very homesick Sunday.

If only just barely.

4 comments:

Sean & Julia Johnson.... said...

Julianne- I cried all night when I had to sell my car that I spent decades with, I can't imagine how I would be if I had to do it with a house. Sounds pretty normal to me! :) Remember.. home is where your heart is!

weaverfam said...

hugs to you friend. i look around the chapel and the halls of the church and feel homesick too...except that i am home but so many of my friends are not.

Brianna said...

Me too. This time last year it was my turn to leave behind my home. I hadn't spent decades in my home, a mere 4 years, but it was a place where the Lord taught me so many things, where so many prayers were answered, where there was so much love and laughter, heartache and joy. There is nothing whatsoever wrong with feeling a little grief at such a tremendous change in your life. To leave your home on Del Rio avenue without some sadness would not do justice to the joys and the struggles of that little home. It will get better, in time you will find your own new home and begin building up your family in those new walls, but that little home where you brought home 5 babies and had countless moments of love and joy, sorrow and forgiveness and so many tender mercies will always be a part of you. And 20 years from now you may still get a little teary when you drive by. Hang in there. You definitely aren't alone, allow yourself this moment.

stacy said...

i feel the same as becky, it really is the twilight zone around these parts. it's a good thing i have a testimony or i just wouldn't go to church. :( sorry it's such a hard transition for you love...i understand!

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