I am drained and running on empty. It has been such a momentous struggle for me to get through the day lately. Scott has noticed my despair and has done his best to fill in for my lack. At night he quietly asks, "what can I do?" It is strange when these things happen. I don't always understand why it is, that sometimes I feel strong--mighty even under the weight of life and all of it's challenges. And then other times I feel like I am being crushed. It must just be the ebb and flow of life and emotions and challenges. (and maybe hormones?)
Do you remember the lady from the bible? The one with an issue of blood. I think of her so often and see myself in her reach. Wanting so much to be close to her Savior, knowing that even just touching the hem of His robe will bring relief.
Right now it seems like I am reaching but just as I am about to feel the cloth in my hand--I miss. And then the crowd tramples me and I am left behind in the dirt.
Over dramatic? Maybe.
Last night I rehearsed this story to Scott in the dark of our room when AT LAST all the others were asleep. He listened and held onto me like I was his parachute as the plane was going down. Scott is strong and twice my size and so I felt sheltered and safe. Knowing each of the concerns that are pressing on me (because they are pressing on him too) he whispered encouragement and hope into my ear.
But this is the thing. I know that when I am in the dirt, reaching and stretching and yearning to touch that hem and I miss, He STILL knows I was there. He STILL knows that I am trying to get to Him. It is His life and His sacrifice that makes the burdens of life bearable and even beautiful.
Grandma Mags b-day. We used or service FHE for celebrating Grandma's 86th birthday. Ella crowned her with a tiara and a plastic martigras necklace. The twins gave her a "birthday fireworks show" that they cleverly came up with using balloons. And Scott and I had a wonderful time visiting with Grandma. I always leave her presence feeling better than when I came.
The FINAL pinewood derby. (Just cant say Scott and I are too sad about this).
But Branson did great and was so cute. I mean could this face just bring you to tears! He came in first in his den and was happy with a root bear from tacobell afterwards. (Pop is such a treat to my kids!)
Ella had a fudgecicle the other day and I just about died laughing at her earnest lick! It was hysterical watching her tongue shoot in and out eating that fudge like it was her last meal on earth. I was sitting next to her with my head on the table cracking up. She would look at me and just keep right on licking like she knew I was laughing at her but she didn't really care. I don't know--it was just so funny to me.
For our fun FHE we used our new waffle cone maker that Seth and Brandi gave us and had ice-cream. It was really good! The kids kept giving Cali the concoctions that they didn't like. She may have had a bit too much to eat that night.
So that poor lady in the story had been reaching for twelve years before she caught hold of that hem and I understand that building a faithful life and soul takes time. I hope I never stop reaching for Him. Sometimes I will miss, sometimes I will just feel the fabric brush by my hand, sometimes I will catch hold with a full and strong grip and other times He will just turn around, part the crowd, lift me to my feet and carry me for awhile.
And he said unto her, Daughter, be of good comfort thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace. Luke 8: 48
How I love Him.