Wednesday, April 30, 2014

We are Grinning at You

Branson really hates to get up in front of people to speak. Primary talks, in front of a crowd of 50 kids that are NOT listening anyway,  are a cause for full blown anxiety attacks. So you can imagine the distress that ensued up in here when Branson "accidently" qualified for the school spelling bee.

Branson: Next time I am going to miss on purpose because I didn't know I had to go up in front of EVERYONE if I won in my class.

Oh the drama. The morning of the bee Branson refused to get dressed. He was not going. He WAS NOT. He fretted and paced. But, at the last minute,  he bolted and got ready. At 7:30 he yelled back at me to be there at 1:20, grabbed his list of words and left.

I had been praying that he could just muster the courage to give it a try. And he was!

I had high hopes and was planning my victory speech for him. "See Branson, you did it! You worked hard, you practiced, you over came your fear and you were a total success!"

And then...He spelled his second word wrong and was the first one eliminated. I hurried him out the back way as fast as possible because my Mama heart knew that my boy was holding back the tears and the dam was about to burst. And boy did it.

He wanted to be taken straight to gym so we stopped for a change of clothes and some food and I dropped him off. I then went straight for the store, found a card and a 6 pack of IBC root bear because he HAD to know! He must know! I must tell him that I felt proud as can be. Proud as any Mom ever was! I didn't care one bit what place he got or what words he spelled right. I cared that he tried! I cared that he did something even though every personality trait in him was screaming don't do it! Even though getting up there felt like cotton in his mouth and a hammer in his chest.  He told those fears to shut-it. He opened up those little wings and stretched them till it hurt and I was proud. That's what mattered, that's what I cared about, that's what makes us strong.

Branson Boy,
I know things didn't work out, I know you are bruised and sore but thanks for letting me watch you fly Buddy. I sure love you.

"Let the rest of us grin at you while you run your race. Let us be proud. Let us be inspired and grateful that God made you to do this thing and you are doing it. The timing is never right. Forget that. It won't just fall into your lap. That’s fake. You are probably not guaranteed success. Sorry. This might be a crapshoot. It will be hard and require sacrifices and you might step out on shaky, shaky legs. But off you go because we were not created to stand still, even though that is safe and familiar and you are practically guaranteed never to fall or stumble or grow weary.
We were made to run.
I’m grinning at you. We all are." ~Jen Hatmaker

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