I am struggling to adjust to having my blog private. In one way it is very comforting but in another I really hate it. I know that my blog never became a big success, I know that I never had a huge loyal following but there is something about knowing that other people might read a post-- that they might be blessed or helped by it, that is very motivating. I do my best writing when there is the possibility of sharing it. I guess its that human connection that we are all born needing.
Writing the stories of my family and faith and failures and fulfillments is what I enjoy and if I dare say it, its what I am good at. I mean I can switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer like a Boss. I am really good at that too. However, in the face of endless washer dryer switching, I am pretty sure my brain is in shut off mode. And sometimes, lets face it, the brain needs to be alive.
When I feel like being over dramatic and when I am feeling especially sorry for myself I say things to Scott like, "writing is all I have and now even that feels like it has been taken by some punk teenager who likes to steal other peoples photos." Pretty dramatic and a bit exaggerated but here's the thing, I don't play an instrument, I don't have a job, I don't sing in the church choir, its been a long time since I have been given a calling or project that I can really sink my talents into and so I am floundering. I am a believer that God gave us gifts so that we can USE them. I can shout from the roof tops that using and living and investing in the gifts that God gave us makes us BETTER mothers, better wives and better humans! On the very day that I decided to actually physically become a mother I promised and swore that at all cost, that one job would come first in my life. It's another human being that I CHOSE To bring here it MUST come first. And as long as I live-- it will but lets make the most of ourselves while were at it right? Right!
I love this from Jen Hatmaker...
Maybe your best thing won’t draw a paycheck, but it is still where you shine and glow and come to life and bless the world. May I legitimize your gifts please? Just because you don’t get a paystub doesn’t mean you should shrink back or play small or give it all up. Do your thing. Play your note. What are you good at? Not sure? What do people constantly say you are good at? Others can usually identify our gifts long before we are willing to concede. Don't let your gifts languishing on the sidelines, awaiting your courage to put them in the game. I don’t like when people minimize their gifts. Oh, I’m just or it’s only or it’s nothing… This aggravates me. There is a difference between humility and insecurity, and wrapping ourselves in self-effacement does no one any favors. We teach our watching children to doubt and excuse and diminish. Do we want our kids to reflect on the mothers who raised them and have absolutely no idea what we loved? What we were good at? What got our pulses racing and minds spinning? Don’t we want them to see us doing what we do best?
Well I do.
( I am opening my blog but hiding all old posts until I can get ALL my photos watermarked--that may never happen)