Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Prayer As Sleep Aid

I struggle to fall asleep at night. For some reason when I lay down at the end of each day a feeling of heaviness and panic and anxiety comes over me. So when those heavy feelings squeeze into my chest and make it hard to sleep I recite different things in my head. It is a sort of tool--a distraction and way of comforting my heart when I feel the most vulnerable and the most incapable. Sometimes I repeat my favorite scriptures over and over, many times it is a beloved Primary song... for those sweet melodies hold a magical power to calm me. A lot of the time I talk to my Heavenly Father because I know He cares and I know He wants to hear from me if I am worried--just like I want to hear from my children.

Last night in my thoughts I recited what I would tell someone that knew nothing of prayer all about it. Of course I had no audience or class I was teaching, it was just me and The Lord but maybe someday I will get to say this to someone who needs to know.

Prayer is all over my day. I pray as soon as I wake up. I just kneel right there in my bed and speak to Heavenly Father. I pray again with Kaden after our scripture study but before he leaves for the day. I pray again with the other 4 children after their scripture study. We pray again to bless our breakfast. I pray as I drive, as I run as I sit down to work on Primary or to read my scriptures. Scott and I pray together and I pray before getting into bed at night. Prayer is our link to God. Prayer is how we thank Him, share our feelings with Him and ask Him for blessings that we need. Even though He already knows, He still wants to hear it from us. He wants to know about the small daily frustrations I have as well as the major heartaches and trials of life. He cares about both.  I do not address Him as "you" but instead as "Thee" because I respect Him as my God. I pray to Him but in the name of His perfect Son Jesus Christ. Prayer is comforting and soothing and prayer works in our lives. We don't get everything we ask for and sometimes answers come slow after a lot of time and effort but even this is because He loves us and is lengthening our reach, bringing us closer to Him by helping us strive longer and harder. I am His child not in an abstract, mystical way but in reality. Though He is perfect and almighty He allows us, beckons us even, over and over to come to Him. He does not leave us because He is perfect and we are not. We are His work. He loves us. He knows us. He wants us home again. We have a Heavenly Mother. We don't know Her but I am certain that She knows us. That She is in our lives and aware of our prayers and that if it is Gods work to bring to pass our immortality and Eternal life--well then it is Her work too. Someday we will know Her and we will understand why we didn't know Her here. I don't need to understand everything now. Anyone, anywhere in any situation can pray, prayers can not be stopped by force, not by armies, or guns or prison or guards or sin, we are always free to pray.  Prayer is like breath and life to me and I am so thankful for it. 

And then the fear and anxiety left and I fell asleep.


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