Friday, February 13, 2015

Before the Sun

Kaden has A-hour and it is just so stinking early in the morning. I have spent this entire school year dreading my start time. Which happens to be when it is still dark outside and the city garbage trucks have not yet clanked up my street. I have to will my self, with all I have, out of bed each day. I have been trying to think of any possible way out of the A-hour schedule for next year. Anything to avoid this again.

In the past 2 weeks, three Mormon boys from Kaden's school have passed away. One of them reminded me of Kaden in a lot of ways. He's the oldest in his family...a cute as can be, 15 year old great boy. That description is very close to my heart. That description lives in my house. A whole part of my heart looks exactly like that.

In those wee hours of the morning, I turn on Kaden's light and rub his back to get him going. Later after his shower I meet him down stairs to make him a simple breakfast and read scriptures with him. We pray together in our silent kitchen and then I drive him down the dark streets to school. We exchange our "love you's and have a good days" and then he goes off into his world of friends and sports, tests and books.

When I think of the grieving parents left behind, holding their broken hearts together and trying to make sense of life after loss, I feel ashamed. Waking up early in the dark to spend the first hour of the day with my handsome, sweet and precious boy is a privilege.  It is an honor to be in that space with him. And if the price I pay is a few uncomfortable minutes as my eyes adjust to light and my body adapts to morning- then it is a small price indeed.

Its too bad that my wondering heart needs reminders like this to be grateful for small inconveniences that provide big blessings.

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