Tuesday, September 15, 2015
More Than I Am
I sat here in tears the other morning with so many things demanding my attention. I felt like that person of interest that you see in news clips that is in the middle of a crowd of reporters and photographers. They are all stuffing microphones in the persons face, yelling questions at them and snapping a flash in their face. The person will sometimes just pull a hoodie over their face and run for it. My hoodie is on and I am bout to pull the string and run.
I couldn't even think through the list of urgent needs. Should I clean up the morning mess of breakfast, lunch making, shower taking, clothes changing, should I sit down and write those hand written primary notes that I have been so wanting to get to, should I actually take a shower and get myself presentable, I still need to exercise though, should I just sit down and read my scriptures that I only got half way through this morning at the crack of dawn, I really need to log in and check on Brylee and Bransons assignments and grades, darn, I still haven't written that email that Scott asked me to send, when is Kaden's dual enrollment tuition due? I know that's coming up oh and that $8 that was due last week for Brylee's cheer bow, maybe I should fold the three loads of wash on the folding table...
My heart was hurting as it was being pulled and yanked into all these separate places. I dont know what to eliminate and yet I am so tired of being one step behind...always. I finally just knelt down near the couch and flopped forward with my head buried in my arms. And prayed. I feel so comfortable telling the Lord that I am overwhelmed, sad, discouraged...whatever it may be. I am so thankful for my personal Father daughter relationship that I have with Him. I know He wont swoop down and clean my kitchen, or write all those notes, what loving parent would want to just take over and eliminate the opportunity for their child to grow. But He makes me more than I am and better than I ever could be alone. He helps me to clearly see what is most important and what to do first and what can sit and wait for another day and He helps me to feel OK about it even when leaving something for another day usually gives me huge anxiety. He calms my heart, soothes my spirit and teaches my line upon line.
Prayer builds that relationship. Prayer is our anchor and life line. How I love the power of prayer, ask and Ye shall receive knock and it shall be opened unto you.